Last night I had a DRM…
“Mr Gates? You bought a SpeedStar 2000 XL GT from us a couple of months ago?”
“Yes, what a sports car! 180 mph! Vroom…!”
“Yeah, well, we’ve discovered a bug in the Engine Management System and you need to bring it in. The engine could seize at high speeds.”
“And you’ll have to sign the updated warranty agreement.”
“Why? There’s a fault, so you’re obliged to fix it. Why should I sign anything?”
“Well, the fix involves limiting the top speed to 60 mph and adding phone-home capability to the on-board GPS.”
“Hell, man! I don’t want a sports car that only does 60! And I don’t want my GPS to phone home!”
“Can’t have one without the other. If you don’t sign, your brand new car stays a deathtrap.”
“So what’s the GPS phoning home for?”
“In case you go out of you home state, Mr Gates. Seems some states want to charge a visiting fee.”
“But I could get it all for free in a Ford! Dammit, I’m going to get my lawyers to rip that agreement apart and my lawyers are the best in the world!”
“I know…they’re the people who wrote it. You see, the EMS runs under Windows.”
Dream on…drm off.
Scribbled years ago by someone named Checkout from Wilders security forums
Transcript of April 1, 2016 MicroSlaw Presidential Speech
(Before final editing prior to release under standard U.S. Government for-fee licensing under the 2011 Fee Requirements Law)
My fellow Americans,
There has been some recent talk of free law by the General Public Lawyers (the GPL) who we all know hold un-American views. I speak to you today from the Oval Office in the White House to assure you how much better off you are now that all law is proprietary.
The value of proprietary law should be obvious. Software is essentially just a form of law governing how computers operate, and all software and media content has long been privatized to great economic success. Economic analysts have proven conclusively that if we hadn’t passed laws banning all free software like GNU/Linux and OpenOffice after our economy began its current recession, which started, how many times must I remind everyone, only coincidentally with the shutdown of Napster, that we would be in far worse shape then we are today.
RIAA has confidently assured me that if independent artists were allowed to release works without using their compensation system and royalty rates, music CD sales would be even lower than their recent inexplicably low levels. The MPAA has also detailed how historically the movie industry was nearly destroyed in the 1980s by the VCR until that too was banned and all so called fair use exemptions eliminated. So clearly, these successes with software, content, and hardware indicate the value of a similar approach to law.
There are many reasons for the value of proprietary law. You all know them since you have been taught them in school since kindergarten as part of your standardized education. They are reflected in our most fundamental beliefs, such as sharing denies the delight of payment and cookies can only be brought into the classroom if you bring enough to sell to everyone. But you are always free to eat them all yourself of course! [audience chuckles knowingly]. But I think it important to repeat such fundamental truths now as they form the core of all we hold dear in this great land.
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